Bamboo Butterfly

a journey.

admin On January - 28 - 2014

So I came across a certain article recently.

This article, Don’t date a girl who travels, kinda irked me when I read it. I know, I know, I’ve gotten worked up about travel articles before. But I think this one is wrong on a number of levels, so I thought I’d share a few thoughts.

Before you read further, you might want to read the article above so you know exactly what I’m talking about. I’m sure the author meant well and intended to praise the admirable qualities of independent women travelers, but the article came off as a little judgmental to me.

First, the writer implies that women who love to travel will never want to have a semi-normal life (or at least, what society deems is normal), and settle down. I’m living proof that someone can love to travel and still fall in love, get married, and live a somewhat more traditional lifestyle. And note: traditional does not have to mean dull.

The author says women who travel are hard to please, and doing something as mundane as going on a movie/dinner date will suck the life out such women because they crave “new experiences and adventures.”  However, I believe that a truly adventurous person will find thrilling experiences practically anywhere – whether it be in a foreign country or doing something as simple as going shopping at one’s local grocery store (I have had my share of excitement having Steve push me around in shopping carts).

A woman who enjoys traveling probably enjoys spontaneity, which I think would be an attractive quality to most men. A woman who enjoys traveling probably likes a wide variety of food and also may enjoy cooking unique and exotic dishes – again, probably an attractive quality for most men.

I do agree with the author’s statement that women who love adventure and traveling probably don’t care as much about material possessions. I would much rather be given a vacation than get a gift like a Gucci handbag, which I could care less about. Another reason to date a traveler!

I do agree with the author’s assertion that women who travel indefinitely often do so because they can’t imagine being robots stuck in careers that drain their lives away. I  love writing and photography because these things inspire me, and I can’t imagine going back to a job that I hate – and I’ve worked plenty of those.

*Side note: actually, I think it’s important that a person has his or her share of jobs that he or she does not find thrilling. It’s good life experience and teaches one how to deal with people.

However, the author, especially when she says “Don’t waste [a traveler's time] complaining about your boring job,” seems to be making a judgment that people who are not employed in creative fields must have horrible, stifling careers. I honestly don’t think this is true and there are many people out there who enjoy what they do for a living.

The author says women who like to travel will challenge others to explore the world, and I also agree with this. People who like to travel and those who make a career out of being nomadic often challenge others to do the same, BUT, sometimes I think they do so with more of an “I’m right, you’re wrong” mentality. I encourage people to get out there and explore the world because I think it opens one’s perspectives and gives a deeper sense of the ties that bind humanity. I think it’s really important to end racial and cultural misunderstandings.  But because I have done a little traveling, this doesn’t make me or anyone else who has traveled abroad better than others. Nor does it give us travelers the right to treat others as if they are ignorant and act as if we’ve discovered some great secret of the universe. With that being said, I do hope I inspire my husband to want to see more of the world.

Mostly, I had a problem with what the author wrote here:

“Don’t date a girl who travels as she tends to speak her mind….. She will never need you – she knows how to pitch a tent and screw her own fins without your help. She cooks well and doesn’t need you to pay for her meals. She is too independent and wont care whether you travel with her or not. She will forget to check in with you when she arrives at her destination. She’s busy living in the present. She talks to strangers. She will meet many interesting, like-minded people from around the world who share her passion and dreams. She will be bored with you.”

First of all, I think many men are attracted to women who speak their minds. If my husband couldn’t tolerate me speaking my mind, we certainly wouldn’t be married right now!

Sure, many travelers are self-sufficient and know all kinds of cool survival skills, but I also think many people who are constantly traveling DO get needy on the road, and very lonely. I honestly was/am fine going around solo but many travelers I met did seem to need other people, hence the reason it seems so many expats tend to group together in foreign countries. Even though I have no problem traveling alone, I do like the fact that my husband enjoys going on adventures too. It does sometimes make traveling more fun.

I absolutely do not agree that if a man who isn’t a traveler wants to date a woman who is a traveler, he will have nothing to offer her because she will see him as boring. People are interesting in their own ways and interesting people can be found everywhere, not just abroad.

The article ended with this quote:

“And if you unintentionally fall in love with [a girl who likes to travel], don’t you dare keep her. Let her go.”

solotravel

I’m so glad my husband didn’t get scared off by my wanderlust. I’m glad he sees how much it means to me.

One of the greatest and most unexpected joys and adventures of my life has been meeting Steve and getting married. I am blessed.  I truly never thought I would get married because I didn’t think I would find the one who was meant for me. I thought tying the knot and settling down meant I wouldn’t be free and I’d feel like I was suffocating. But guess what? I found my best friend. I found someone who makes me a better person and brings out my best qualities, who helps keep me grounded (in a good way), and who helps me see the fun in winter (I hate the cold!) — just to name a few of his amazing traits. I also like to think he appreciates my passions and how travel has helped shaped me into who I am now.

I may not be wandering the globe at the moment but I take comfort in the fact that I’ve found someone to wander through life with. Travel will always be there. True love may not.

beach1

So I say, definitely do date a traveler. See how much you can open up your world, together. Who knows? You might be on the verge of one of the greatest journeys yet.

steveandrhondabeach

Categories: Random

27 Responses

  1. Joff says:

    Well said. I too felt the same after I read the same article! Totally agree with what. Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts!

    • admin says:

      Joff, thank you for reading. I was happy to share my thoughts, especially on this subject. I’m just a little tired of travel bloggers/writers acting like they are untouchable, free spirits who have gained some massive sense of world understanding that the general population hasn’t. And as a married woman who still loves to travel, I kinda took offense to the article, though as I implied above, I’m sure the author didn’t intend to write the piece maliciously.

      • Joff says:

        I feel yah! I was just reading my comment from last night and just noticed a sentence there that got cut off…oooppss! As a guy that loves to travel, I took offence too and so did a majority of my FB friends regarding the article. I was more surprised how many positive comments the author received and I was thinking to myself…seriously!!… people actually agree especially that part about preferring women that don’t speak their mind! Puhleeease! So google’d to see if someone had written a response and sure glad found your blog! :)

        • admin says:

          Glad you took the time to share your thoughts! :) Yeah, I think most men would find a woman who does not speak her mind boring.

          Keep on traveling!

  2. Natalie says:

    I agree with Joff, well said!!

    I was quite taken aback when reading the original article, thinking it was a joke at first. Thank you for sharing your opinion :D

    Also, take a look at this

    http://www.hereigoagainonmyown.com/date-a-man-who-travels/

  3. Very nice blog. Thank you for sharing!

  4. wanderlust says:

    I actually interpreted it in a completely different way.. These are my thoughts..
    It’s written by a girl who’s travelling.. in our society people see travellers as kinda failures cause they don’t want a career or materialistic things. its being sarcastic and kinda mocking guys who choose boring girls over daring to keep up with a girl who would open their mind and take them out of their comfort zone..its saying don’t be with one if you’re gonna stop her living.

    • admin says:

      I agree that sometimes people see travelers as failures, which is definitely not true. But I do think a lot of travel writers out there as of late seem to have this mentality that people who do have stable careers, etc., aren’t as adventurous or exciting and their lives are boring. I myself am very passionate about travel but I also think that people who choose not to travel can be interesting in their own ways. There are lots of people with open minds who may not have necessarily traveled the globe or backpacked through Europe. I like the fact that the author was trying to praise the virtues of a traveler, but I felt she did it in a way that was kinda condescending not only to men, but also to people who may not travel or may not travel nonstop on a regular basis.

      Thank you for sharing your perspective though. :)

  5. MG says:

    I however have to agree with the sentence “Don’t date a girl who travels. She is hard to please.” — My husband would be in violent agreement. :)

    I’d change the title of this article to “If you are an ordinary guy, don’t date a girl who travels.” I’m lucky to have met my husband and I’m currently taking (or dragging?) him with me to all of my trips. :)

  6. Teguh says:

    nice article….

    what about man like traveling…??
    because im stuck now in my regular job…

    • admin says:

      People should date who they feel they have a connection with, whether a traveler or not a traveler, and put superficial judgments aside. :)

  7. It’s such a nice article and story to read. I enjoy your as much as I enjoy the comments in this article. Everyone has a story to tell. Haha! Thanks for sharing.

  8. Jeremy says:

    Here’s wishing you and Steve a happy journey through life together

    Met my wife while travelling and now that we have kids….guess what, the nesting instincts kick in and she doesnt want to travel anymore. But all the rest of it is still there…the independence.

    Best thing that I like about her, not sure if this is correlated with her (past) traveling life, is that she takes me on her own terms and doesnt care about social norms and expectations. I look and behave nothing like any of the husbands/boyfriends of her friends and family

  9. David I G. says:

    I tried contacting you, with a pretty lengthy email, a week ago, relating to a Tawainese girl I met.
    I hope it didn’t go to spam or something lol but I’m more than willing to send it again :)
    Love your blog :)

  10. Can totally relate <3 a girl that travels is one that's worth keeping

    I met my wife while backpacking and we both now enjoy travels round the world together

    never give up <3 it does happen

    Love on the road

    http://wilfys.com/blog/so-i-got-married-to-a-backpacker-i-met-while-on-the-road-marriage/

  11. Sally says:

    Very true store! Nice to see this blog.All the post are well defined here.Recently i have got marred like to inform that that girl don’t to travel so much and that is a good news for me! )

  12. Dave H. says:

    I loved reading this! After two years of my fiance living abroad she decided to leave me two months before coming back home so she can continue traveling. A bit of a sob story but I wish she would read things like this instead of the “don’t date a traveler” type blogs. She is so wrapped up in living ‘free’ and doesn’t understand that I am willing to travel with her and support her love for the world in every way that I can. (Including moving abroad with her) Sorry to vent on here. Moral is I love this blog.

    “We do not realize that those who genuinely wish us well want us to be happy and are prepared to accompany us on that journey”
    -The Alchemist

    • admin says:

      Hi Dave,

      Once traveling gets in your blood, it’s there for life I think. At one time, I felt the same way your fiancee does. The freedom I felt during the two years I lived in Taiwan was like nothing I had experienced before. I fought against the idea of getting married, settling down, coming back to the U.S. I honestly never imagined coming back home – I thought I’d be a single woman living abroad for an indefinite amount of time. I did leave a piece of myself in Taiwan and it is still a little sad sometimes when I think of my life there. But, life is unpredictable and I’ve come to learn that the things we sometimes believe are best for us are not always in our best interests or meant to be. God often has other plans.

      Though I parted ways with Asia, it’s been awesome realizing that I can have the best of both worlds – that by getting married I was not losing the freedom to travel. Instead, I was marrying wonderful man who not only can I still be adventurous with, but who also helps me feel anchored in a good way.

      It’s not always an easy process and for people in love with travel, I know sometimes the idea of getting married and settling down sounds like torture, as it once did to me.

      But don’t give up hope. Maybe you two will end up together and she will realize that it can be just as fun having someone to share the journey with. But if not, there is probably a reason why, and maybe you will even be grateful one day.

      Thanks for stopping by! :)

  13. Stephanie says:

    As a woman who loves to travel and one that’s been happily married for 8 years, you can definitely have your cake and eat it too. It irks me in our society when people think marriage has to equal a very predictable path!

  1. [...] read some of the cute and corny and heavily-clichéd posts about dating or not dating a person who travels, and whether you like them or not the point is the [...]

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